A Life's Journey

There comes a time, when you realize that life does not always give you what you want, or even what you expect. It's easy to brush off misfortune once or twice or to learn from problematic situations that you come across every now and again. However, sometimes life decides to throw the whole book at you, not just a few pages. It's easy for this to bring someone down, to lead them to question herself and the world. This can lead to a downward spiral and before you even know what hit you, all you can see when you look around is darkness. That's a lot of cliches but what are they for otherwise?

I've tried again and again to make progress, to motivate myself, to drag myself out of the darkness and back into the world. I've made progress, and a lot of it, but it sometimes seems that for every two steps forward that I take one step back. Whenever I make progress and get closer to clearing some of my biggest hurdles, the world has to knock me right back down and remind me why that hurdle was set there in the first place.

A wise man will tell you to live every day to the fullest and to learn from every situation that you encounter. I am learning. The problem is that I am learning that I was right to close myself from others and be very careful with my trust. What I am learning are the same things that I learned before which lead to some very dark times. I don't know if I could handle that again. I am quite stubborn and can be very mentally strong at times, but even getting halfway out of that place took me on a path that all but went straight through Hell. And I don't know if I could mentally endure that again.


So, I've come here. It's the start of a new year. I've tried to do daily and weekly posting before about thoughts that I've had (and I have plenty of them covering a wide range of topics). But this time is different. This time I'm not here to share my thoughts with others, although I'd be very happy if someone benefited from this journal. This time it's about helping myself. This time I need to stick with it. I've grown tired of my life. Something needs to change. I had run out of ideas until this one hit me. You need to learn something every day. Every day there is going to be something that goes wrong or something that brings me down, makes me sad, or makes me realize that things need to change in my life. And that is what this journal is. It's the tale of a journey that is taken one day at a time. A journey to improve my life and to hopefully bring to it the happiness that others have that I want so badly as well. Today is the day that it starts. Right here, right now. I am going to improve my life with one small step at a time.